I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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