i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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