Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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