They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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