I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize