half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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