Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
