what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
