He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
