The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
