hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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