hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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