The maid of honor just puked.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
