i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
