I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize