it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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