fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
