I want to walk on stilts...naked
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
