dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
