you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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