I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
