Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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