Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
