Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
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