i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
