Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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