Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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