Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
