I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
