its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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