May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
