Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
