All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone came in the potted fern
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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