Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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