I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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