dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
