I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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