You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
