I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize