I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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