When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
