The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
