i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
