Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
