Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
so much tequila, so little girl.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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