I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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