im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
