oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the night ended with taco bell and tears
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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