All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
