She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
