Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
