I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
