it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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