I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
