My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
