True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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