she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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