i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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