i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
