woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
