Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
