Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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