And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
