I seem to have left my pride at pride
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
