She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
