You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it because I queefed?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
