You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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