So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
