Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
