My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Welp...herpes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
