so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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